Just Breathe ;

 TW: Suicidal Thoughts


I had a moment yesterday.


I had a couple of better days. I went in town with my family and did some shopping on Friday. And yesterday I spent the morning actually sat on the sofa downstairs with my husband and children.


And then the payback kicked in.


The pain flared, and I ended up back upstairs, on the bed, on my own again. 


I took my painkillers, and then I lay there waiting for some relief that never seemed to come. 


I just lay, in agony, thinking how unfair it was that a day and a half of some version of a normal life could still leave me like this.


I lay there just wanting the pain to stop. 


And the thought crossed my mind that there was a way to make it stop. 


And for a brief moment, that thought seemed very attractive. An end to the pain, and the grief of what my life looked like now.


And then I remembered that that was a permanent solution to a temporary problem.


I remembered that I am in control of my life even when it feels like my situation is controlling me.


I am the author of my story.


I chose to take a pause, to give myself a chance to think past my pain.


And I’m so glad I did. 


Because my story is important.


All of our stories are important.


Just Breathe 


;




Comments

  1. wordsRimportantMarch 19, 2022 at 1:03 AM

    Thank you for sharing, you are not alone. Now I know I am not alone either.

    ReplyDelete

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