I AM ENOUGH!

 


Do you ever find yourself scrolling through posts and stories, and feeling less than enough?


Looking at glimpses of other peoples lives, and feeling that yours is lacking?


Reading stories of other peoples successes and feeling inadequate instead of inspired?


Some days I can scroll happily, taking note of things of interest to me without being affected negatively.


But other days as I scroll I am struck anew by the injustice of having my life circumscribed by my illnesses. Having my potential limited by lack of energy.


I see what other people my age and younger are accomplishing. The books written, the businesses started, the projects completed. 


What other mothers are doing with their children. The activities set up, the games played, the meals cooked. 


And I start to hear that little voice in my head telling me that I’m not enough. That my lack of accomplishments isn’t because of my illness but because I’m lazy, or stupid, or just not good enough.


And I suppose the sensible thing to do at that point would be to stop scrolling. But I can’t. Some self-destructive urge makes me carry on, comparing and finding myself lacking.


Today has been one of those days.


And so I am now going to spend some time shouting down that little voice with the words “I am enough!” until maybe I start to believe it myself again.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Did You Know How Much Energy NOT Doing Something Can Take?

Image
  Before I became ill with ME/CFS at age 21 I had never considered how much energy we use NOT doing things.  We all know that our daily activities require certain amounts of energy, even for healthy people. We all have different amounts of ‘baseline’ energy, that energy that we start the day with and is available to us to use however we wish to accomplish the jobs we need to get done. We know that our ‘baseline’ energy can be affected by things like a late night getting to bed, a bad nights sleep, not drinking enough water or getting enough nutrients in our food. And we all have a choice in how we ‘spend’ our energy, what we use it to accomplish. In fact there’s even a whole theory around this that chronically ill people use to try and explain it called “Spoon Theory”. Very quickly, (feel free to Google for more info) ‘Spoon Theory’ is the idea that we start the day with a certain amount of ‘spoons’ available to us, and that every daily activity requires differing amounts of ‘spoons’ t
Read more

Just Breathe ;

Image
 TW: Suicidal Thoughts I had a moment yesterday. I had a couple of better days. I went in town with my family and did some shopping on Friday. And yesterday I spent the morning actually sat on the sofa downstairs with my husband and children. And then the payback kicked in. The pain flared, and I ended up back upstairs, on the bed, on my own again.  I took my painkillers, and then I lay there waiting for some relief that never seemed to come.  I just lay, in agony, thinking how unfair it was that a day and a half of some version of a normal life could still leave me like this. I lay there just wanting the pain to stop.  And the thought crossed my mind that there was a way to make it stop.  And for a brief moment, that thought seemed very attractive. An end to the pain, and the grief of what my life looked like now. And then I remembered that that was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I remembered that I am in control of my life even when it feels like my situation is control
Read more

Why Do I Find It Easier To Talk To Strangers On The Internet About My Chronic Illness Than I Do To My Family And Friends?

Image
  There are a lot of reasons why it may be easier to open up on the internet about health struggles than it is in real life with family and friends. And it isn't necessarily down to a lack of supportive family, or not having any friends who are sensitive to the situation. You can have the largest family support network, and an understanding circle of friends and still hold back from sharing as much of your truth to them as you do online to relative strangers. Why? For me personally, it's for three main reasons. 1. Guilt Guilt that knowing how much pain I'm truly in, or how much I'm struggling will cause THEM worry and pain.  Guilt about how that knowledge will affect them, and how bad it may make them feel that they can't help me or make things better. Guilt that trying to lessen my burden by ranting about the unfairness and struggles of my life, is adding to their burden. 2. Fear Fear that my friends won't understand my  chronic illness  struggles. Fear that th
Read more